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Mike Cox

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[08 Apr 2004|09:35pm]
I've been healing... But I'm back. I can type, I can think... I'm actually me again. Meegs, we need to talk. I need to talk to everybody. I'm sorry.

mikeysuxcox26

ooc )
So Help Me

Disclaimer
[04 Mar 2004|09:39pm]
I don't understand what you mean when you say that maybe you don't trust yourself... I don't, and I can't. I just don't understand what that means... What that means for us.

All I know, Miguel, is that I love you... So much. I would give up everything I have for you. The only thing I'm not willing to give up is Kristyn and my new baby, just like you could never give up Savannah.

I want, and please don't get mad at me like last time, I want to have a family with you. I want Savannah to be a big sister... I want you to be my baby's daddy. I love you more than anyone, anything in this world. You've hurt me so many times, and I know I've hurt you... but I could never give up what we have. You amaze me, always. I just want to have a family with you... I've known for seven years, since I was 19 years old, that I love you. I just want you to love me like I love you.


Lyrics )
2 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[16 Feb 2004|02:33pm]
I'm sorry that I haven't been around lately... I've just been kind of busy. Kristyn and I are having a baby... And I'm so excited. *squeals* I'm gonna be a daddy...!

I haven't talked to Meegs in a week and a half... I don't know how we're doing.
5 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[03 Feb 2004|05:43pm]
This is to Meegs, what I would've posted as a comment... But I figured it was a bit long.

1, 33: I love Savannah, too... And you know what? I bet if you can't talk to Tonya, I can or Kristyn can. Even if you're not wild about that idea, are you willing to do it for your little girl?

30, 34: This is on your shoulders. Not to burden you with another thing, but if that's what it's going to be... tell me, and that's the closure I'll have. You need to give it to me... Because I am not going to sit here for the rest of my life, waiting for you to decide what you want. It's funny, Miguel, because I am 26 years old, and I know what I want. I've been in love with you since I was 19 years old, and I've known that. I have been sitting around for 7 years for your to make up your mind about what you want. One day you want me, and the next you don't. The only times that were ever hard for me was when I was with [info]kristyn_strange and when I fell in love with [info]_paige_haley. But you know, as much and as hard as I fell for Paige, I could never leave you for anything. I am in love with you... It's not lust, it's not childish love... It's real, truthful, painful love. I've never felt that before... Because I think that the real truth is that I hold childish loving feelings for Paige. It's not that deep connection I have with you... It's more of that, 'This is the guy who was always around' kinda of love. But now I'm not even so sure I even want to be friends with him. When things with him have gotten this hard, it just doesn't matter to me to even bother anymore. It hurts to say that I don't want to be friends with him, but that's what it is. I can't be around him, because I don't like can't be around Jeordie.

But, to get back to what I was saying... I love you, Miguel. I would drop everything for you in a minute, and I think you know that. So, this is up to you now... You choose what you want. If you want to love me, then you'll decide. Just keep in mind that the longer you wait on your decision, the faster I'll be getting over you.
So Help Me

Disclaimer
[21 Jan 2004|09:35pm]
Just wanted to say hi, hello, cookies...

Uh... not the last one. *giggles* Unless, of course, you'd like me to make you cookies... Which, in that case, I think I have chocolate chips in my freezer. *has to remember that* I can use those to throw at Kris in our next food fight.

Speaking of... I miss her... So much. Way too much. She needs to come home...

And I don't remeber what convinced me to put this up... But here it is anyway. *grins*

5 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[10 Jan 2004|06:40pm]
To [info]benji_l_m: Don't fight with your ex, man. It's not worth it, it really isn't. If you can't be friends, it's not worth fighting. If you can't get along anymore, its just not worth fighting for. Look at me and Meegs... I thought it was worth fighting for... but four months later: he broke up with me. I hope you and Tony can work things out, because you two were really sweet together, but don't fight for two long. You're going to get hurt, even if you don't want to admit it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. IM me sometime: mikeysuxcox26. Good luck, man... I hope things work out for the best for you.

Because I'm gay...

I don't want to talk to these people anymore:

Miguel Rascon
Rayna Foss-Rose
Matt (Because I heard he was saying shit)


And I don't want to talk to you guys anymore, because when I needed you most, you abandoned me. And now that I'm sober, I know that I don't need friends like you. because the saying "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" isn't going to fly for me. I want friends -real friends- who are there to support me. And even when they don't like what I'm doing to myself, they don't completely abandon me.

You need examples of a good friend? I have those:

Brian Medina
Amir Derakh
Nadja Porombka
Kristyn Strange
Paige Haley
Mike Shinoda
Ty Fury
Jay Gordon

So, to Meegs, have a good life. I wish I could still be your friend, but I don't think I can let myself be around you. I'm sober, completely sober, and I am finally making a clear decision. Your words hurt me more than you'll ever know, but thats okay... because I would never inflict that pain on you. Next time you need support from a friend, next time you just want someone to stay up and talk to you, next time you're scared, lonely, tired, depressed, going crazy... Don't turn to me. I won't be there.

Rayna, I thought you were my best friend... I guess not. Thanks for acting like you loved me back when I needed you... But I'm 26 years old now, and I think I can take it from here. Tell Kayla that I love her, and I never meant to leave her... but I can't be around her with you near. I don't ever want to see you again. Thanks for all the good time, thanks for loving me when I was "bug," and thanks for sticking up for me during Dark Days. I'll never forget those times. I'll never forget when you made me feel better about what I was going through, by just telling me you loved me. I'll never forget being in the delivery room when Kayla was born. I'll never forget being able to feel your tummy when Kayla kicked... And I'll never forget all your mood swings, because I even loved those. I loved you... I'm sorry that you didn't love me enough to support me in the end.
2 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[10 Jan 2004|06:08pm]
I stole this from Benji Madden... Because I'm pimp like that.

Read more... )

Uhm... So I haven't done any more drugs... Go me!
26 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[06 Jan 2004|05:22pm]
Did you ever think that maybe I don't want to... because I'm afraid of hospitals? Because I know that when I get there, they say I'm going to detox, but I won't be? Not for long anyway.

Man, yo have no idea how heroin and coke affect you. You have no fucking idea what it does to your mind... And they said you to detox to get clean. And they send you to counseling to fix the bugs in your head. To fix that constant itch... To fix that bleeding down your arm. But you know... It's not just that anymore. It's in you, inside of you... And it rots your brain, and it drives you insane. And then there's that itch, itch, itch... And you just want to scratch it. And you do... The blood comes pouring. And then it starts to itch somewhere else... not your arm anymore. And then it starts to itch your face, and you're just scratching... and all the while you're crying because you just want to die. Because your friends are gone... because they left when they found out you were doing it. No one wants a broken friend... No one.

And they leave you there, lying... And in the cold, white, sterile rooms. And still there's itching, itching... Everywhere. And there's scratching, all of the scratching. And they cut your nails so short, but that doesn't matter, because you've still got some control over them. You've still got teeth, and you're itching, fucking itching. And it doesn't stop. And it's in your brain. It's there, it's driving you insane. It's not a want anymore, it's a need... because it makes the itching stop, the bleeding stop. And you itch, itch, itch, because you can't have it.

No... I'm not going to see a counselor. The itching, it stops. It does... But not through detox. Not through simple maneuvers they have you go through like a trick pony. I'm not a trick pony, I'm a drug addict. And I've kicked it before... And you all know I have.

I was on heroin before, Meegs, before I even got out of high school, and you knew that. And that's why I slept with people, just to get that money... So I could feel that warm feeling coursing through my veins. And I could just... feel it. Warm, and taking over me. And even when it was freezing, I could feel warm. But I kicked that, didn't I? I stopped, before I ever met you. Because I wanted to live, and I wanted a chance to do something. And it was fucking up my plans... So I stayed on my track... and if it wasn't for Coal Chamber, I would've gone to Harvard. I would've got my law degree, and I'd be amazing up there... But instead I'm down here... And I'm a musician. And somehow thats just as good... But still there's that itch, itch, itch... Because I did the coke to get away from the fighting. Because I hated you and Dez so much... All you did was fight. Fucking fight and yell! And I snorted the coke, and it was all okay. And I took it up during Dark Days, because it stopped your yelling!

And then I got kicked out, and I tried to stop but there was that god damn itch! And it just won't stop. It won't ever stop. But I did for you, because I wanted you. Because I just breathed for you. And I stopped... and I put it away. And I was clean for a year. And here we are again, still... here. And I want to stop, but I'm not going to Detox to do it. I am not going BACK into that MENTAL INSTITUTION! No... Not even for you, Meegs. No, because I'm not going to sit there and rock myself because it's scary. because it was still eating at my brain. No... So I'll itch, and I'll scratch, and I'll bleed my way through it again. But I am not seeing a doctor... They're liars, every last one of them. And I'm scared of the asylum... and I don't want to go. Not again.
3 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[05 Jan 2004|07:17pm]
I'm a whore... Want a cheap fuck? Come fuck me.

All those rumors and shit you've heard about me? They're true... So fucking come on.

I have nothing to live for anymore.
7 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[03 Jan 2004|10:38pm]
I hate myself. I just want everything... I'm a spoiled brat. And you know, I've lied to Meegs?

I fucking shot up last night... and god, it felt so good. You know how much I missed that? Just fuck... And I'm itching. I need it again. Heroin, crack, coke... Fucking anything. Just give it to me now. I want it. I need it. I'm itching to feel that in my blood. And I'm tearing my fucking skin off because I need it. I want it. Just fucking let me have it! I don't care what I lose...

WHO HAS IT?!
6 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[20 Dec 2003|05:56pm]
Uhm... pressies:

Kris: This 1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Rayna: This 1
2
3
4
5
6

Nadja: This 1
2
3

Ty: This 1
You Didn't Have To Buy It!
3

Meegs: This 1
2
3
4
5

Stitch: 1
2

Brian: So HC... Listens to HIM
2


Stop making me spend money! *runs away*
7 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[19 Dec 2003|09:36pm]
I'm sorry... I don't mean to suck so bad. I just... suck at updating. But! I'm online... Mikeysuxcox26.. I'm friendly!!

Well lets see: Me and Kristyn really need to interview guitarists and bassists. If anyone knows someone looking for a job... we need them. Badly. Kristyn hates Miguel, and doesn't want him subbing as our guitarist any longer, and I'm sure Paige (Orgy) is getting tired of playing bass for us. He probably just gets annoyed with our constant together-ness. Especially since I'm gay...

Uh lets see... Kristyn got me a set for Christmas. It's sexier than thou. See it here. See, I told you it's sexy. I got it like a month ago. I'm still drooling. Kristyn owns me.

Meegs and I have been a little stressed out. He's trying to get custody of Savannah, but I just don't know if it's going to happen. He loves her so much, and I really wish he could have her, but the American judicial system would never willingly, knowingly, give up a child to a gay couple. I really wish he could have her... But maybe they'd give her to a nice straight couple: Brian and Sarah, Rayna and Morgan. *Don't hit me, Meegs* I think Rayna is a wonderful parent... Look how well she takes care of Kayla. And Brian and Sarah would be awesome parents, and you'd get to be around Savannah as often as you like, because you know Mr. Medina would never let you be without your child, no matter how mad he is at you. He loves you. You're one of his best friends. I don't know, I just want things to work out for him... us.
So Help Me

Disclaimer
[08 Dec 2003|05:18pm]
Hey guys... I'm sorry, I've been almost as MIA as Odyssey. I've just been really busy lately... I was with Meegs for awhile, and then I went to Colorado. I stayed with Ty for awhile, and he seems to be doing farely well. He says he's going to hang out with Motograter and see how things go... So everyone wish him luck. He's been with them for awhile, but he doesn't know if things are going to last after their recent band drama. But, hang in there Ty, because band drama happens all the time. You can never have a drama like Coal Chamber... Trust me.

Stitch, Jamie, I'd like to beg for forgiveness. I didn't mean to miss your wedding and I'm so sorry. I have your presents, and I'll give them to you soon... I'm fucking horrible. I don't know what to say... I would tell you my reasons for not being there, but they've been sworn in on strictly confidential matters.

Meegs, I'm sorry for not calling lately... You're probably really mad at me. But it's the same excuse I have for missing Stitch and Jamie's wedding... Please don't hate me. I love you, baby.

Kris, I'm sorry I missed the practice. I know you wanted to audition a guitarist, but I really couldn't make it. I just got back today, and just in time to, because I hear it's snowing like a mother out there. And if I can make it up to you in anyway, just tell me. I'm sorry.

Rayna, I'm sorry. If you need to talk about what's going on with Morgan, I'm here to listen. Don't think that I'm ever not here for you. I love you.

Nadja, I wish you were here. I haven't gotten to see you in so long, and I miss you. I trust everything is going well... and if you ever need me, just call me. I love you, my princess.

Brian... Ty... Shit, it's been rough.


That's it for my apologies... real updates later.
4 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[27 Nov 2003|05:27pm]
Today was Thanksgiving... a holiday that I really don't like. We didn't really do anything special, because I think Meegs just celebrates holidays for mine and Savannah's benefit. I love him for doing things for me, he's too sweet for his own good. I know, Kristyn and Rayna would disagree, but I love him and that's all that matters.

For Thanksgiving, we just cuddled on the couch. We drank some wine, and talked. It's good to just talk to him sometimes, you know? We went to see Rayna, and had food there... Hehe, I love her. There was some animosity between Meegs and Rayna, but Morgan and Meegs seemed just fine together. To tell you the truth, I think Morgan just hates Dez, and I don't blame him. Morgan is a good guy, and he has strong opinions. I think that he is definately the best suited for Rayna, as opinionated and bossy as she is. I think that may have been a reason Dez and Ray didn't get along... Dez wants it his way, and Rayna won't let it be any other way than what she likes. She's a strong, independent woman, and I'm glad to call myself her friend. This is why Ray is my best friend. But back to Thanksgiving, I got to play with little Kayla. I love her, I miss her. I wish we could've gone to see Amir and Michael, but I think Miri was with Yoshiki. It sucks a little, because I haven't seen either of them in so long.

I wish I could've gone to see Kris, but she was with her family. She says she needs saving, and if Meegs would let me, I'd go be her knight in shining armor. I miss her... I hope we can spend Christmas together. Speaking of Christmas, Kristyn I love you this much: 9123098587459874309857435345340985039825903!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are the sexiest things ever... I'm jealous of myself because I have them. Thank you soooooooooo much. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Keropi is lonely, so I took him with us to see Rayna. I love Keropi, he's the cutest puppy ever! He's not exactly a puppy anymore, but that's okay. Kayla enjoyed playing with him.

Meegs gets to see Savannah tomorrow... and I think we should go spoil her. She's such a cute little girl! Anyway... I'm kinda running out of update.
2 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[26 Nov 2003|03:39pm]
Everyone add [info]kristyn_strange because [info]kristyn_strange is a sweetheart. I love her to pieces. She's the lead singer of Depressa... and She's just damn hott. Everyone be nice to her, or deal with me. You've never seen me mad before...

Read more... )
8 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[22 Nov 2003|08:19pm]
*cuddles into the blankets* I slept until 6:00 PM today. I feel so gross. Rayna says I have the stomach flu, and some other type of flu. It's like a head cold, except I'm sick to my stomach. I was supposed to go see Nadja today, but that didn't quite workout. I crawled out of bed today, and I was going to eat something, but everything made me sick. It just... looked gross. So, i grabbed my laptop and I came back to bed. I talked to Ty today, he's doing much better. He says he understands why I left him. He also says he still wants to be my friend, which is good. I like Ty, he's such a sweet kid.

Meegs is being a jerk... I don't even want to call him. So, I'm just going to lay here in bed, and if he wants to talk to me, then he'll call me. I don't understand what his major issue is. I didn't say I wanted to get married, I don't know why he's taking it this way. If I want to get married, Meegs, then god knows I wouldn't say it to you. You freak out everytime I've ever mentioned the "M" word. So, I'm sorry that I even said it. I will never say it again, and I won't ever talk about it. I don't want to get married.


name: Michael Cox
nicknames: Mike, Mikey, Bug, "Cock Sucking, son of a bitch, shit eating, mother fucker, I hate you"
born: August 31, 1977
born in: Ask my mom
resides in: California
good student?: Yes, I was.
college you want to attend: Wanted to*: Harvard
eyes: Brown
hair: Brown... I can't describe it.
shoe size: 15... I don't know.

Last time you..

had a nightmare: A few nights ago
said "I love you" and meant it: Yesterday, to Meegs
ate at mcdonald's: I'm not really into fast food... 'Sides, they don't have Pepsi.
dyed your hair: About 5 months ago.
brushed your hair: Last night
washed your hair: Yesterday morning, because I don't want to get out of bed. I don't feel good.
checked your e-mail: Today... I had 60 e-mails
cried: I don't know... Not since I got back together with Meegs
called someone: Today, Rayna.
smiled: Thursday, with Meegs.
laughed: Wednesday, with Meegs
Talked to an ex: All the time, her name is Kristyn.

Do You...
Smoke?: No
Do drugs?: No... Brian is sXe, and I would be, but I drink.
Have sex?: Not a lot of sex, but a fair bit of foreplay
Sleep with stuffed animals?: No... just my pugs when I'm alone, and Meegs when I'm with him
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: Yes, I don't want to talk about it
Play an instrument?: Drums
Believe there is life on other planets?: Yes
Remember your first love?: Yes
Still love him/her?: Yes, as a friend.
Read the newspaper?: No
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: I... am... gay. I have a lot of gay and lesbian friends.
Consider love a mistake?: Love hurts
Like the taste of alcohol?: The bitter taste of your life falling to pieces
Believe in God?: No
Pray?: No
Go to church?: No
Have any secrets?: Yes
Have any pets: Yes, I love my pugs. They're the best things ever. Meegs even likes Keropi
Wear hats?: Not usually
Have any piercings?: Yes
Have any tattoos?: Several
Hate yourself?: Yes
Have an obsession?: Yes
Have a secret crush?: No... Everyone knows I think Joel Madden is cute.
Collect anything?: Anything with pugs
Have a best friend?: Rayna Foss-Rose, and Nadja Porombka
Like your handwriting?: I don't really know
Have any bad habits?: Whining
Care about looks?: Yes
Boy/girlfriend's looks?: I like him to look somewhat nice
Friends and other people?: Huh?
Believe in witches? Wiccans
Believe in Satan?: No
Believe in ghosts?: Yes

Current:
[ Dress ] Black pants, white shirts
[ Mood ] Sick
[ Make-up ] Lip gloss, eye liner, eye shadow
[ Music ] Pop-punk, and Pinata
[ Taste ] Meegs
[ Hair ] Brown
[ Annoyance ] Meegs!
[ Smell ] Sex
[ Thing I Ought To Be Doing ] Being with Meegs
[ Book ] Mikey reads?
[ Fingernail Color ] Black
[ Refreshment ] Vodka
[ Worry ] Meegs
[ Crush ] Meegs Rascon
[ Favorite Celebrity ] Meegs Rascon

Last Person:
[ You Touched ] Myself
[ You Talked to ] Miri
[ You Hugged ] Rayna
[ You Instant messaged ] Miri
[ You Yelled At ] Meegs
[ You Had A Crush On ] Well, when I was like... 20: Kristyn.
[ Who Broke Your Heart ] Meegs
[ Kissed ] Meegs

Favorite:
[ Food ] Italian
[ Color ] Blue
[ CD ] I really like the Mest cd right now, but too many to name.
[ Shoes ] The black ones
[ Candy ] Pixy Sticks
[ Animal ] My Pugs
[ TV Show ] Spongebob
[ Movie ] Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ Song ] Hold On - Good Charlotte
[ Vegetable ] Banana's a vegetable...
[ Fruit ] Bananas... *wink nudge*
[ Cartoon ] Spongebob

Who do you want to:
[ Kill ] No one
[ Slap ] No one
[ Tickle ] Little Kayla
[ Talk To ] Nadja
[ Have Sex with ] Meegs
[ Kiss ] Meegs
[ Be Like ] No one
9 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[21 Nov 2003|06:03pm]
It's that time of year when everyone is happy and merry... Well, most. I'm trying to find presents for people, like all the other guys. Already ordered:

Rayna: Number 1
Number 2

Nadja: Number 1
Number 2

Girls are easier to shop for...
10 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[18 Nov 2003|04:37pm]
Nick's funeral was today. All of the guys (Stitch, Brian, Odyssey, and Matt) went home. I guess they weren't exactly comfortable hanging around. I felt bad for Meegs, though, because the funeral was hard on him. You never expect to bury your friends, because it's kind of like Matt said; it's just not the natural order of things. You should be old and gray before you even begin to think of things like that. This really opened up my eyes to the life I had been living, and the pain I could inflict with my death. I could spend the rest of my days apologizing to all of the people I have hurt, but I won't. I'm not going to apologize for my life any longer, and I'm going to get help. Not only for my sake, but for Miguel, too. I promised him that I would take care of myself, and try to get better, but this time I mean it. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt myself, so I am visiting the doctor. I made an appointment for next Tuesday to visit a therapist. Meegs doesn't know, it's more of a surprise/present for him. I think that he's going to be proud of me for taking my life into my own hands, not just relying on other people to take care of me. Maybe I should keep this a secret for awhile, but it is now out i the open, I guess. It's funny because I could just hit the delete key, but a part of me craves his approval. i think we've gotten better, because we've grown together as well as apart. I don't think I could realize the pain I'd caused without growth of my own, without his aide. I'd be on my own without the ignorant arrogance with which I have approached the last few years because it allowed me to see through the mode I entered the world. I'm simple... It's too deep.

Meegs is half-asleep as I write this, and I think I may go join him soon. He's beautiful, and I'm lucky to have him. He's got this wisdom to him that he doesn't see, and it's comforting. That may have been what had drawn me to him in the first place. A little history:

Miguel and I met when my brother and I tried out for Dez and his band. I was barely eighteen, my brother much older. Dez wanted my older brother to be the drummer, but Meegs admired my heart and insisted that I be in the band. I was shy, and immediately gravitated toward him. We started dating a year or two after our first demo. I think it started with innocent touches and looks, a suggestion here and there. he made the first move, deepening our relationship. We were together for three years before we hit some rocks. It just wasn't the same, the looks, or the touches. Everything felt like it was forced. It became on again, off again, and stopped in sudden anger. I had kissed Jay, Meegs had kissed Jay... We'd both been with other people. We could not handle it, and broke up for good. Six months later found me on the street, fired from the band for reasons undisclosed, but now you know the real reason. I guess that's about the sum of our relationship, for a quick overview. But now we're trying again, and this time we will make it last. His love is what I craze and I will do all to my ability to keep it. I guess this is the long, roundabout way of telling him that I love him, through think and thin, whatever mood, whatever trial, I'll always love him. Miguel, I will always love you, no matter what pain comes our way, no matter how many people in our path, tears shed... you're the one I love. I won't give you up unless you wish to be released. Thanks you for loving me. I know I can be better for you.

I love you, Miguel.
3 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[16 Nov 2003|09:20pm]
Whats Your Embarrasing Pet Name by floratia
Username
In a Relationship
NameSex Kitten
Created with quill18's MemeGen!



How long do I last in bed? by DesideroAmor
Real Name
Birthdate (MM/DD/YY)
Favorite Color
Gender
Hours3
Minutes22
Created with quill18's MemeGen!



Tee hee... How long do you last, baby?
6 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

Disclaimer
[16 Nov 2003|07:41pm]
Sorryfor the lack of update in the past week. I've been really busy with Meegs and Depressa. Kristyn has been having drama over at the Coal Chamber forum. I really don't understand why she's getting involved in teenagers arguements. This is exactly why I left the Coal Chamber forum in the first place... Speaking of which... Good luck, Ray. I hope the move goes well.

I've stolen Miguel's computer as he sleeps. Meegs has been so sad lately, and I feel terrible for him. I didn't know his friend, but I still feel bad. Meegs was crying, and I didn't really know what to do. I just hugged him, which I think he appreciated. Sometimes silence speaks louder than any words could. It's going to be sad tomorrow, but I think all his friends are coming for moral support. In addition to me coming, Odyssey and Brian are coming. I don't really know if Matt, Wingnutt, or Stitch are going. I think Meegs still doesn't want to go to the funeral, but I'm going to ask him day of, anyway. He may change his mind, and if he has, he would regret not going.

On a more positive note, things between us seem to be looking up. We've gotten to a point where it seems more like a relationship, and not just a friendship. I think that's good, but he's still giving me time to think all of this over. No matter how long I think, my opinion isn't going to change, I'm still going to love him. He's an amazing person, and I'm happy to be with him. I know Rayna doesn't like it when I'm with him, but that's alright. I might go see Nadja later this week, I miss her terribly. I haven't seen her in such a long time, I have been so busy. Have I mentioned that she gets more gorgeous every day?

Ty and I have started talking a little bit, and I think he realizes that when the chance with Meegs presented itself, I couldn't let it go. He's my love, and I would do anything for him. I still feel terrible about what I did to [info]fistsof_fury, though. He's a good friend, and I didn't mean to hurt him the way I did. I hope we can become friends in the future.

As far as things with Brian go, I think Meegs is getting over it. He's still mad at Brian for going behind his back, but not that I'm not in that relationship, I think he's a bit happier. But, I'm still trying to help Brian out, get him his friendship back. His girlfriend is still mad at him, which is sad. I get to hear all about the problems from both sides. Brian calls and he tells me everything that is going on with her, and then Kristyn calls and tells me what she said. It's an interesting story, and it seems to be deeper than what Brian thinks it is, but I cannot betray the trust of my friends by telling Brian what it is really about.

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4 Pray For Dreamtime | So Help Me

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